As a 26-year-old, the questions: “Are you married or engaged?” and “Are you in a relationship?” have both been asked more times than it has all my life. Interestingly, this is normal as it’s the question that should be directed to a 26-year-old Nigerian female. I should even be thankful I have the luxury of choosing whatever age I want to get married at.

Some girls didn’t have the chance to meet themselves and know themselves to a decent level as opposed to meeting someone from the left side of the universe for the first time, and required to be intimate so his lineage is not cut short by the scissors of their ignorance/inhumanity.

But! At 26, should I be married?

Have I fallen completely in love with myself and all that is within?

Have I understood what it takes to love another being the way I love myself?

Have I taken good care of my being to know what it entails to take care of another?

Have I accepted ME fully not to run into insecurities and denial when I’m confronted?

I want a happy married life; the one where happiness is so great it blocks strife at the door. 

I want a productive married life where purpose hasn’t gone missing but is rather the fuel that runs my daily activities. 

I want a co-dependent married life where my partner is “support” personified and I am the same for him. 

I want a friendship inspired married life where I never forget we are friends even when it feels all the love has “finished”. 

Above all, I want a three-fold cord marriage where Jesus is the foundation, binder, and fixer between my partner and me.

I believe strongly that I’m loveable and I show love in the right ways humanly possible. I understand that I cannot receive “an energy” that’s different from the energy I give. Whoever I attract to a high degree, is up to me. My charisma, mien, speech, appearance, and even my cogitations all play key roles.

Very recently, I found myself in a situation I once and again vented about but never wanted to be in. I arrived at the destination “Own Your Sh*t” a couple of weeks ago. I took myself there because I didn’t want anyone or anything to ruin my discovery of Self Improvement and Awareness.

Two years ago when I was not in a relationship, I resolved to “packaging” myself internally so I could meet the right man I had been praying for. I assessed myself to ensure I didn’t repeat my mistakes from past relationships and from the time when I was concerned about being with someone. I wanted to be sensitive enough to know him when I met him. I did.

I met an amazing young man that gave me a chance to experience a good love story; the looooong hours on the phone, the excitement in our voices when we spoke to each other, the knowledge we shared from our experiences, the friendship and bond we both had an equal portion of. It was beautiful! 

Everyone close to me heard my version of a lover’s tale; I couldn’t stop talking about him. I saw the man that he could be and will become and I chose to fall in love with that man.

My affection masked a lot of things at the initial stage until tough situations happened which poked holes and made it easier for me to see. These tough situations brought out the dormant personalities of both parties. 

We weren’t happy saying or doing the things we did but we did them anyway. We turned from premier cheerleaders to silent enemies overnight. 

How did we get here???

At destination “Own Your Sh*t”,

  • I found out if I was unhappy in a relationship (of any kind) then there’s something I did not do or I did wrongly.
  • People have a choice to either yield or rise above negativity. Letting go of people’s perception of you is not easy to do but is necessary for your peace.
  • I discovered being committed to yourself gives you the ability to accept negative comments the right way. You have to be whole to accept who you are.
  • Love is a difficult action word for humans. If we must love, then we must love with ALL our HEART, SOUL, and MIND.

I guess you’ll be wondering so how is she coping now? Well, I miss him…but this happened at a good time. I’m whole and I have accepted who I am. I still remain loveable, smart, affectionate and the best lady any guy could be with!